Starting Over... All Over Again

     Well, it would appear that there comes a time in life when after years and years of doing the same thing (that seemed so exciting and adventurous when you first began it).... the same way over and over with pretty similar results, one starts to get somewhat bored, or perhaps disillusioned, feeling down, depressed, agitated, frustrated, unfulfilled, as if life and time are passing me by and somehow I am not doing what i came to this earth to really do!!  

Regardless, all the signs are there..... something needs to change.

There is alot I don't know about the music industry, and I'll admit that I've allowed myself to feel a little intimidated by the whole scene.  So many differently elements, from the music creation and production, to booking and promoting shows, online presence, marketing, promoting the music, website stuff, royalties, licensing etc... I feel so behind and it all seems so daunting and never ending.  I have not even begun to approach the idea of record label or management, except that several people in my life repeatedly tell me i need a manager, someone who knows the industry and can help manage my career, get me gigs, help my focus, market me, etc...   

When i was living in Ottawa, I got to experience the joys of having a promoter for local shows, thank goddess for Maike! who, fueled by a relentless passion, would endlessly poster all over town, attending every event she could, to spread the word about the power of healing sound; music that soothes, uplifts and transforms the spirit!   She, would also tell me to get a manager.  And I, the eternal doubter.  Have I really been allowing my frightened inner child to overpower my drive and passion for music?  When I first started performing, I did so with such bold naivety and freedom in the newness, like the innocent child following and creating the dream.

But who am i fooling really? others? myself?  The recurring question lurking around every corner of my mind....   "am i really good enough?" at this point? for a manager? I must need to do more work, more practicing, more learning, more writing, more focusing.  And surely no manager would be interested in an artist who has such personal doubts about her art and abilities.    And yet, let me just say, that when I am in the presence of people who believe in me and my talents and gifts... that a powerful thing happens, an effortless ease, beauty and magic unfolds from my lips as i sing, and my fingers just seem to find the most beautiful notes and chord progressions and something profound happens. I am in the zone, with the music, listening, and the song enters me and moves into the souls of those receiving!!  It is exquisite and i feel at one with my soul and my purpose for being on the planet.  I am connected and free, i am the song and the song moves thru me.     

Well, that is when I am improvising, or channeling, or singing intuitively as I like to call it.  But it also goes for singing my written songs.  When i am invited to perform and people have come to hear me and be in that intimate space with me and are so open to what I have to share... I feel deeply connected with my audience.  For they are what really makes this so fulfilling to me. 

Honestly, singing for myself, is not the same. Something happens when I sing for others. It becomes bigger than me, for it includes all of you.  And it is that deep communion with music and the listener, that really lights my spirit up!!!  Even singing in my kitchen for one person fills me with joy!  So yes, I know i have something to share, there is something authentic in the music that people connect to.   And i know it is time to set it free, to let go of the perfectionism and be willing to step out onto a bigger stage! And yes, i do mean that literally!

It's time to sing and share what I do that comes naturally, as I am. For this is what people seem to love. I know I do!  It is once again time to acknowledge the psychological barrier of fear and take action regardless, and giving the scared little girl inside me a big hug! Knowing that we all have that little part inside of us and that the only way to set it free is to spread our wings and come alive!

I am so grateful for all the support I have received along my journey. Honestly, the feedback given me has been profoundly positive and encouraging and I shall continue to follow the call in my heart, trusting and loving this journey every step of the way. Thank you for the privilege of singing to you.

All my love and gratitude, Theda

 

---